God amazes me. like i don’t know how he does it but he’s just so amazing and so brilliant and LITERALLY SO GOOD TO ME AND I JUST DON’T EVEN DESERVE IT.
SO. a couple days ago (last thursday), i had a really great day. the weather was warm, school went well… i had every reason to be happy. and i was. until i wasn’t. i suddenly got into this horribly sad mood towards the end of the day because… well, to be honest, because of my dad! it was like two days after valentines day and i kept seeing all these girls posting pictures on snapchat and instagram and facebook of all the flowers they got from their dads and i kept trying to be happy for them but honestly i was jealous! i barely even saw my dad on valentines day and i missed him. so then, on that beautiful thursday, i was sitting at my desk and looking out my window, LOWKEY CREEPING on the neighbors that live behind me. the dad is always outside with the kids and the dog, playing basketball and jumping on the trampoline. they are literally the most basic, picture-perfect, white, prep-school family. and it made me sad to watch them all playing together and laughing. (it was literally like those scenes in the movies, i’m not even kidding you.)
so suddenly all these things were hitting me as i was seeing all these people hanging out with their dads and i was really missing my dad. between his jobs and my job, it feels like i hardly ever see him. i was feeling so many things like jealousy and sadness and madness and aloneness… it was all just so much cause i know my dad loves me and i know he’s literally the best dad ever and he works so hard… i just wished i could hang out with him more.
i literally got so overwhelmed and frustrated that i grabbed my bible and journal and left my house and ran to “the tree,” our special tree/hangout spot in the woods, and vented to God. i wrote what i was feeling and i listened to what steffany gretzinger was singing on my spotify and i read psalm 16 and i prayed. i prayed that God would maybe give my dad a better job that was less work so he could spend time with me before i turn 18 in a couple months and grow up. i prayed that my dad and i would get to spend more time together. that he would be refreshed and not super tired because of all his crazy hard work. then i thanked God for my awesome dad and i told him i trust him with all of this. and then i wrote in my journal: “you fill my heart with joy and gladness.” and then i finished my journal. like i wrote on the last page. LIKE I USED THE ENTIRE JOURNAL. (sorry, that’s just the best feeling in the world.) anyways, after that, my mom called me cause she didn’t know where i was and she was kind of freaking out and she told me to come home.
so i wrapped it up. and i felt so much better. like, not better as in all my problems were fixed, but better because i had peace since i turned to God and told him i trusted him with my problems.
this is getting super long but i’m not even to the point. so bear with me, sorry.
the point of everything i just wrote is that it’s 11:30 at night, it’s tuesday, almost a week later, and i was about to fall asleep but then it occurred to me that God has been answering my prayer. so of course i had to write about it. TESTIMONY TIME!
a couple days ago (saturday), i got to spend THE ENTIRE DAY WITH MY DAD. i went with him to watch him get another tattoo, and we got cheeseburgers at runza, and i helped him with his gun class and it was so great! the next day, on sunday, he took my siblings and me to the circus and that was totally lit–a childhood dream come true.
today (tuesday), my car broke. it wouldn’t start early on in the day when i was leaving my college class, so i called my dad, but then it eventually started, but then later it wouldn’t start again (confusing, i know)… so he was like “okay i’ll take a look at it later.” and sure enough, later that day, he pops his head into my room and asks if i wanna go figure out what’s wrong with my car, with him. and we ended up spending the entire evening running around trying to fix my car and taking the battery to walmart and to advance auto and figuring out what might be wrong with it… so anyways, long story short (ummm we’re way past this long story being short lol) my car isn’t fixed and is gonna cost a lot to get fixed but i don’t care because if my car hadn’t died, i wouldn’t have been able to spend today with my dad and that, my friends, is what i call God working all things for good.