I am kindly and humbly bringing this before you to your attention. It really bothered me yesterday during our argument when you loudly stated that it was my fault your cell phone broke. You didn’t even pause to ask me if I opened your bedroom door, figured out where your phone was, pulled your purse off the ten-foot high shelf and then dug out your phone to slobber and chew on it. That’s not even very possible. Especially for a bulldog. Let alone a highly professionally trained police dog like me. Nuh-uh I was not the one who ruined your phone … On purpose. You just assumed.
You see I couldn’t find any food and I was at home all alone yesterday. I was starving and I thought maybe I could call someone and order pizza or something. The home phone was dead, my phone is a fake stuffed one with a squeak inside and yours was the only one I could search out.
Yesterday you told me I’m grounded from my pup-eroni treats and my stuffed wallaby, Waldo. But that’s hardly fair! I didn’t do anything wrong and you’re the one who needs to apologize – not me. I will give you a second chance but only if you get down on your hands and knees and roll over and play dead. In front of all my friends like you have had me do so many times for your friends. It’s embarrassing.